Thank you again to those still following my blog. I know that my emotions have been all over the place, but I am making huge changes in my life. Thank you for sticking with me through my roller coaster of life.
I know that I say that I am going to make things happen, I make promises to change certain things, but I am human. I say things during a high time and a low time... sometimes things will level out and not seem so bad. I have been neglecting certain aspects of my life, but only to make sure the important ones are taken care of first.
I will soon post an update on Thomas and myself, just need to find a little extra time to put everything down. So far, things are going well and progressing to even better things. I am very optimistic about things to come. Right now, I am focusing on today and only today. Not tomorrow, not yesterday, not last year... and so on. Sometimes I have flashbacks, or memories pop up during a song... but I do not dwell on them as long as I used to.
One thing for sure though, is that I am tired of fighting. Hanging on by the fingertips can be overwhelmingly depressing and discouraging. I am not letting go, just moving forward. Grabbing life with both hands and just keep climbing. I will get to the top, I will succeed, and I will not do it for anyone but myself. This is something that needs to be done. I am tired of feeling, stuck.
I love you all and thank you again for your love and support for as long as we've known each other!
Wednesday, August 27, 2014
Monday, August 4, 2014
Glorified Journal Gone Wrong
I come to write in my blog, with hopes that someone will read it. With hope in finding someone who is or was going through something similar. Looking for feedback of some kind.
I have an addiction to Facebook. I know I do. Some nights I stay up, just to check and see what's going on on Facebook. I crave human interaction, but stuck with social media. I feel trapped where I am, and I don't know how to get out.
I need a car, but I don't have that kind of money. Finding someone willing to take payments, is even harder than trying to apply for loans. Finally got my license, and for what? To expire in my wallet.
I'm tired of living with someone who believes that I am a monster. Of living in fear of what's going to happen next. Anything I try to do, is and never will be good enough. I was told that I was a horrible mother and that I'm not trying at all. Seriously? I am busting my ass while letting myself go because he comes first. I am not crazy, I know someone is telling my child horrible things. Some of the things he says are not something a child would ever come up with on their own. It pisses me off because it is undoing the good things I'm trying to incorporate into his life. He is Autistic with ADHD, you can't tell him something and not expect it to come back out.
The one thing I hate most, is liars. Ones who say one thing, but never follow through. Not only does it make you a liar, but it makes you a hypocrite. I'm not perfect, but at least I'm honest about things. Just don't expect me to say anything, if you never will.
Lots of "I's" in this post, but there is quite a bit needed to be said. What you read and how you interpret it could be two different things. I'm not sorry that I haven't been painting the best picture either. This is my life. A story of where people walk out of my life... and never come back. But I never give up hope that someday they might. I can't sit and dwell on that fact either, because I too have a life to live. I am also not apologizing for other people's actions. If they say something to another person, and that person can't come to me with it... that is on them. So screw you if you think I'm allowing judgement to be passed. I stopped talking about things altogether, just so it would stop the bullshit. Has it? Of course not. People do what they think should be done, without me having any knowledge of it until after (long after) the fact.
I am a new person. I am confident, beautiful, strong, and capable of anything. But I will also be a bitch if you continue to fuck with me. I'm not a goddamned door mat. Also, if I don't believe in something, don't force your beliefs down my throat and convince me that it's for the better. If I came to you with something, I respect the opinions and feedback given. But to those of you who think they know me better... clearly do not.
You don't know me at all.
I have an addiction to Facebook. I know I do. Some nights I stay up, just to check and see what's going on on Facebook. I crave human interaction, but stuck with social media. I feel trapped where I am, and I don't know how to get out.
I need a car, but I don't have that kind of money. Finding someone willing to take payments, is even harder than trying to apply for loans. Finally got my license, and for what? To expire in my wallet.
I'm tired of living with someone who believes that I am a monster. Of living in fear of what's going to happen next. Anything I try to do, is and never will be good enough. I was told that I was a horrible mother and that I'm not trying at all. Seriously? I am busting my ass while letting myself go because he comes first. I am not crazy, I know someone is telling my child horrible things. Some of the things he says are not something a child would ever come up with on their own. It pisses me off because it is undoing the good things I'm trying to incorporate into his life. He is Autistic with ADHD, you can't tell him something and not expect it to come back out.
The one thing I hate most, is liars. Ones who say one thing, but never follow through. Not only does it make you a liar, but it makes you a hypocrite. I'm not perfect, but at least I'm honest about things. Just don't expect me to say anything, if you never will.
Lots of "I's" in this post, but there is quite a bit needed to be said. What you read and how you interpret it could be two different things. I'm not sorry that I haven't been painting the best picture either. This is my life. A story of where people walk out of my life... and never come back. But I never give up hope that someday they might. I can't sit and dwell on that fact either, because I too have a life to live. I am also not apologizing for other people's actions. If they say something to another person, and that person can't come to me with it... that is on them. So screw you if you think I'm allowing judgement to be passed. I stopped talking about things altogether, just so it would stop the bullshit. Has it? Of course not. People do what they think should be done, without me having any knowledge of it until after (long after) the fact.
I am a new person. I am confident, beautiful, strong, and capable of anything. But I will also be a bitch if you continue to fuck with me. I'm not a goddamned door mat. Also, if I don't believe in something, don't force your beliefs down my throat and convince me that it's for the better. If I came to you with something, I respect the opinions and feedback given. But to those of you who think they know me better... clearly do not.
You don't know me at all.
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